This is so freaking true. It always icked me out when women were demonized on the news for being “home wreckers”. Thank you for writing about this it’s so important ❤️
i do feel you on holding men accountable—like fully. the core betrayal is always his,always. like he broke trust, he broke the bond. and yes, society’s obsession with blaming ‘the other woman’ way more than the man is 100% rooted in misogyny not taking away from that at all. BUT i do think we can hold that truth while also acknowledging that some women knowingly insert themselves into dynamics where someone’s already committed. it’s not about them being the bigger villain, it’s about understanding how internalized misogyny plays out in real time. some women want that validation of being ‘chosen’ over another woman—because patriarchy taught them that makes them more worthy. that’s not why he cheated, but it’s part of the dynamic sometimes. its why she still did that.
other than that i feel like this does need to be debunked before we can even come to my point. simply because it so up in our faces 24/7. so either way good job bb😘😙😗😚
thank you girlie 🥰🥰💅💅✨✨💖💖, and no i agree 100%, but this isnt about that! the point is the man is always at fault for cheating, whether or not the other woman knew/wanted to help him cheat. that is totally another problem rooted in internalized misogyny - but its also another topic for another day 😎😎💅💅
that i completely agree with. i just felt like too much grace on homewreckers would make things worse because ive def seen plenty try it on the man i was seeing. that alone is enough for me to «crash out» because pick me’s are a different breed of women i don’t always have the patience for.
ah yes - pickmeism is ALSO ANOTHER topic for another day! 😤😤💅💅💪💪 no no dw no grace to the misogynist women who intentionally insert themselves into these dynamics, just holding the cheating man accountable where no one else will. (besides, even if the woman KNOWS shes helping him cheat, hes still choosing to cheat and must be held accountable, and he's still the "homewrecker", thats my point)
I think this applies to cheaters in general, regardless of their gender. The cheater is the one who chose to cheat.My friend, who’s a therapist (and also a woman) once explained to me that women are often raised to see themselves as the emotional caretakers of relationships. So when a man cheats, the woman he betrayed might direct more anger at the other woman because it taps into a deeper sense of personal failure or loss of control. Even though the man is the one who was unfaithful, the woman may feel like she failed to manage the relationship properly, which reflects how deeply women are socialized to take on that responsibility. Men, on the other hand, tend to move through relationships with less pressure to maintain them or keep them emotionally healthy, so they don’t carry that same burden of blame
yeah thats also true and part of female socialization under the patriarchy (to blame ourselves and each other instead of the men who should be held accountable). my point is not that the cheater's gender matters (it doesnt, a cheater is a cheater and should be held accountable regardless) its that "homewrecker" puts the blame on the woman a man cheated with instead of him for cheating. so its a misogynistic slur.
You were very correct in your assessment. I haven't used the term "homewrecker" in decades. But in my mind it wasn't just a term for a woman but a man could be one too. I agree that as you see it, it's the man who is out looking for another person aside from their spouse. But by definition a "homewrecker" is something different than a partner who strays. A homewrecker is a person "male or female" who actively inserts themselves into a couple's life with the goal of getting the one they are attracted to, to cheat.
The person leaving their spouse to be with that other person is at fault too. They broke their vows to be with only one person for the rest of their life.
There is a long history of woman shaming and woman blaming associated with the word. You are correct. But it isn't the only way it can be used. Very good article. Thank you for writing it.
This is so freaking true. It always icked me out when women were demonized on the news for being “home wreckers”. Thank you for writing about this it’s so important ❤️
yesssm EXACTLY UGH, always hated that 😤😤!! thank u ml, and thank you for being here! 💖💖🥰🥰🥰✨✨🫂🫂💅💅💅💅
More people need to read this. And Thank you for literally being the sweetest person ever ❤️
awweeee ty, and you too dahhling! 💖💖
baby hear me out okay🛐
i do feel you on holding men accountable—like fully. the core betrayal is always his,always. like he broke trust, he broke the bond. and yes, society’s obsession with blaming ‘the other woman’ way more than the man is 100% rooted in misogyny not taking away from that at all. BUT i do think we can hold that truth while also acknowledging that some women knowingly insert themselves into dynamics where someone’s already committed. it’s not about them being the bigger villain, it’s about understanding how internalized misogyny plays out in real time. some women want that validation of being ‘chosen’ over another woman—because patriarchy taught them that makes them more worthy. that’s not why he cheated, but it’s part of the dynamic sometimes. its why she still did that.
other than that i feel like this does need to be debunked before we can even come to my point. simply because it so up in our faces 24/7. so either way good job bb😘😙😗😚
thank you girlie 🥰🥰💅💅✨✨💖💖, and no i agree 100%, but this isnt about that! the point is the man is always at fault for cheating, whether or not the other woman knew/wanted to help him cheat. that is totally another problem rooted in internalized misogyny - but its also another topic for another day 😎😎💅💅
that i completely agree with. i just felt like too much grace on homewreckers would make things worse because ive def seen plenty try it on the man i was seeing. that alone is enough for me to «crash out» because pick me’s are a different breed of women i don’t always have the patience for.
talk your shi though❤️🔥💓🤍🤍💓
ah yes - pickmeism is ALSO ANOTHER topic for another day! 😤😤💅💅💪💪 no no dw no grace to the misogynist women who intentionally insert themselves into these dynamics, just holding the cheating man accountable where no one else will. (besides, even if the woman KNOWS shes helping him cheat, hes still choosing to cheat and must be held accountable, and he's still the "homewrecker", thats my point)
literally my soulmate😚🤍
💖💖💖
I think this applies to cheaters in general, regardless of their gender. The cheater is the one who chose to cheat.My friend, who’s a therapist (and also a woman) once explained to me that women are often raised to see themselves as the emotional caretakers of relationships. So when a man cheats, the woman he betrayed might direct more anger at the other woman because it taps into a deeper sense of personal failure or loss of control. Even though the man is the one who was unfaithful, the woman may feel like she failed to manage the relationship properly, which reflects how deeply women are socialized to take on that responsibility. Men, on the other hand, tend to move through relationships with less pressure to maintain them or keep them emotionally healthy, so they don’t carry that same burden of blame
yeah thats also true and part of female socialization under the patriarchy (to blame ourselves and each other instead of the men who should be held accountable). my point is not that the cheater's gender matters (it doesnt, a cheater is a cheater and should be held accountable regardless) its that "homewrecker" puts the blame on the woman a man cheated with instead of him for cheating. so its a misogynistic slur.
I understand what you're saying, Zia. You express yourself powerfully and eloquently.
thank you! 💖💖
really love yout honest writing and also totally agree <3
Thank you love, I love and appreciate you being here! 💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰
You were very correct in your assessment. I haven't used the term "homewrecker" in decades. But in my mind it wasn't just a term for a woman but a man could be one too. I agree that as you see it, it's the man who is out looking for another person aside from their spouse. But by definition a "homewrecker" is something different than a partner who strays. A homewrecker is a person "male or female" who actively inserts themselves into a couple's life with the goal of getting the one they are attracted to, to cheat.
The person leaving their spouse to be with that other person is at fault too. They broke their vows to be with only one person for the rest of their life.
There is a long history of woman shaming and woman blaming associated with the word. You are correct. But it isn't the only way it can be used. Very good article. Thank you for writing it.
Totally agreed. I don't like the way/place society puts men
ugh i hate it 😔
thank you ml, love & appreciate you so much!!! 🥰🥰🥰🫂🫂🫂💖💖💖✨✨✨💅💅💅
"ZIZI" 😭😭💖💖💖stawp, youre precious 🥺🥺 !! youre the ONLY person whos allowed to call me that from now on!
😭😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖
EXACTLY thats my point girlie!! 👏👏🥰🥰🥰🥰✨✨✨💅💅